Anything and Everything
by AriaLogan
Summary: A collection of one shots about the more awkward Titan moments; from Beast Boy looking like an absolute idiot trying to get the girl to the revelation of Robin's abnormal choice of underwear, nothing is sacred in my hands. Warning- merciless ruining of multiple childhoods may occur. Please don't sue, for I only have carrots. That shall suffice.
1. Why BB Hates Early Morning Training

**A/N: Hello everyone! This is the first chapter of Anything and Everything, a group of unrelated oneshots about, well, anything and everything. Hope you like it! Reviews greatly appreciated, flames used to roast tofu hotdogs on sticks!**

 **BB: Dude! So cool! That's, like, my fave.**

 **Meh: I know, BB, I know…**

 **BB: 0.0**

 **Meh: ;))))**

 **BB: OH HE-ACK NO! I'M TOO YOUNG FOR CARROT-LOVERS LIKE YOU! (runs away, screaming in fear)**

 **Meh: (sigh) I love being creepy, you should try it some day. It has it's rewards! :D**

 **On with the show!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Titans. If I did, Trouble in Tokyo would be rated R… for romance of course! And by that I mean both BBRAE and REDSILKIE fluffiness!**

 **Why Beast Boy + Early Morning Training = :(**

 _"Oh, Beast Boy! How you took down that dude using Brushogun's powers with your bare hands was so hot!"_

 _"Yeah, so hot."_

 _"Ladies, ladies, one at a time- there's enough of the Beast Man to go around." Beast Boy, at the moment, was back in the karaoke bar he stumbled upon in Japan right before fighting the evil inklings made by Tokyo's former "hero," the leader of the Troopers, directly through the abuse of the legendary Brushogun. Apparently, taking him down "on his own, with his own bare hands" was an instant chick magnet. And BB didn't mind it one bit…_

 _"Garfield." The Changeling turned towards the sound, or as far as one could with a mob of girls monitoring his every move. That was when he saw_ _ **her.**_

 __ _"Excuse me, ladies, but I need to go talk to that super hot chick over there for a second."_

 _"Master of Sexiness, don't leave us now! Please come back!"_

 _"I promise I will babe," BB replied, regarding to the pretty blonde with a nice package all in all. He really liked her, but at the moment, he had other matters to take care of. He walked over, shocked, to an all to familiar cat lady as pink as he was green, but this time, her once menacing smirk was replaced with a… pout?_

 _"Mr. Sexy! Forgive me for what I have done, an offense against you and your not nearly as sexy friends! I had doubted your power of sexiness before, but now I know! I'm sorry." Said cat lady got onto one knee before the proclaimed "Master of Sexiness," bowing her head in respect._

 _"Babe, it's okay. But how come you didn't vanish after I single-handedly brought down Brushogun in the most sexy way possible?"_

 _"I… have my ways. But we must not worry about that now, Gar, but celebrate that true lovers have once again been united. Come on, let's have some fun!" she exclaimed, clearly excited by what her knight in shining armor would do next._

 _Garfield, playing it cool and sexy as always, calmly stated, "Alright then, in that case, let us dance." But they both knew no dancing would take place. In that instant, Beast Boy fiercely, but all the while not too harshly, pushed the infatuated girl against the nearest wall, the world around the two slowly melting away. They both leaned forward, sparks flying around them in the form of fireworks. Their lips inched closer, closer, until they were just a mere inch away. But then…_

"BEAST BOY! GET YOUR LITTLE GREEN BUTT OUT OF BED! MORNING TRAINING IS IN FIVE MINUTES!" yelled the Titans resident leader, clearly ticked at the Changeling's poor time management.

Said Titan, abruptly pulled from his _fabulous_ dream, was pissed. "DAMN ROBIN, THE ONE TIME I ACTUALLY GET THE HOT CHICKS AND YOU RUINED IT!" Robin, clearly confused, chose just to ignore the strange remark. In Beast Boy's defense, Robin signed up for it, allowing the green teen on the team…

"Well too bad, 'cause we're gonna start in five, with or without you. But I highly suggest you come, or you'll be on laundry duty for a week." growled the annoyed Boy Wonder, tired of BB's childish antics.

"Ha, yeah right! Like you'll actually let me anywhere near your laundry after our special bonding moment last time…"

Robin blushed madly, his anger at the green Titan only worsening at an alarming rate. He had been trying to permanently remove that "special bonding moment" with Beast Boy from his long-term memory. Let's just say the Boy Wonder is forever in debt to the String Bean for keeping quiet. Beast Boy smirked, knowing he had won that round. "Just be in the gym in five minutes, or else I'll make sure Raven makes your next few weeks a living hell," the Boy Wonder said darkly, before marching madly out of the pigsty Beast Boy called his room. Beast Boy was about to throw another remark about why Robin couldn't do it himself, but decided he was already in deep enough waters with the team leader. Then it hit him.

"Wait, today's Friday, which means we have training at nine…" he looked almost fearfully over to his alarm clock. "Crap! It's 8:56! Why the hell didn't Robin tell me?!" Because we all know Beast Boy wasn't listening to a word Robin said. I mean, who wants to listen to an angry elf in a unitard screaming at you about poor life decisions mere seconds after awakening?

And with that, the Changeling quickly hopped out of his bunk bed, creating a checklist in his mind of what he had to do before going to the gym. "Damn, I can't even have my ultimate-surpreme-tofuy breakfast! I was looking forward to that…" though we all know that it was just a block of tofu.

And that Cyborg probably poisoned it. So Beast Boy may have dodged a bullet there.

"So, since I can't have breakfast unless I wanna projectile vomit on the obstacle course, which dude, is gross, I guess I just gotta get dressed! Then, if I fly to the gym in the form of a falcon, I can reach the gym in… 2 minutes, 34 seconds! Sweet! No laundry duty for me!" thought Beast Boy triumphantly. All he had to do was find one of his uniforms and he was set. "Oh yeah, go BB, it's your birthday, oh yea-" But as Beast Boy looked around his room while singing his song, he realized something that would definitely prove a problem.

"Damnit! My last uniform has been missing ever since I woke up last Sunday on the roof after Raven gave me that drink the night before. Wonder what that was… but if I don't have any clothes, how am I gonna train?" Unfortunately for our green friend, Robin didn't allow any Titans to don their birthday suits on any occasion (apart from Cyborg, because he's got nothing to hide), especially after explaining the concept to a certain Tameranean princess on her birthday…

Beast Boy quickly grabbed a green blanket from the bottom of his bunk bed, dashing to the laundry room, knowing their was no time to spare. Once he arrived at his destination, he checked the clock on the wall. "8:58, fudge! Gotta think, gotta think, gotta think…" He ran to the first thing in sight— the washer and dryer. He saw that both most everyone's clothe were in the middle of being washed, but his hope was restored when he saw one lonely uniform in the dryer, warm and ready to wear. Beast Boy quickly grabbed his the article of clothing, discarded his blanket, and got changed quickly before dashing to the gym in the form of a cheetah… well, a cheetah with a deadly wedgie (just imagine…).

—

Beast Boy strut into the gym, once again in human form, and before he could even before he could rub it into Robin's face that he was, in fact, on time, a shrill voice screamed, "BEAST BOY, WHY THE HELL ARE YOU WEARING MY LEOTARD… AND WHY IS IT UP YOUR BUTT LIKE A THONG?!"

 **A/N: Oh, I forgot one thing before in the other author's note… this really sucks.**


	2. The Secret Life of a Robin

**Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Titans, nor Spider Man, Spudder Man, "The Real Housewifes," or Candied Bacon Ice Cream. The power of all of these is too great for my mere magics alone. :(**

 **ALSO: No offense is meant to men who wear tights: I think on a lot of people, it works. If you are offended by the bashing of neon green-tights-clad superheroes attracted to Slade grabbing Terra's clothing, you have been warned. Viewer discretion is advised.**

 **ALSO ALSO: WARNING FOR EXTREME CRAPPINESS AND ROBIN-BASED POOR HUMOR!**

 **The Secret Life of a Robin**

Ah, today was a good day for Robin. Cyborg and Beast Boy had stopped in 15 minutes before, saying they were going to GameStop, before quickly bolting out the door, clearly excited about whatever game they were planning to buy. Starfire had gone to what she notoriously called the "Mall of Shopping", while the Tower's resident empath decided to stay back, spending some "quality time" with one of her seemingly hundreds of novel whilst locked in her room. Robin had finished his self-assigned criminal research for the day thirty minutes prior, meaning that until one of the three Titans who were parading about Jump City returned to the Tower (Raven wouldn't be a bother, right?), he had some free time, dedicated to whatever the heck he wanted to do.

And he knew exactly what that would be.

The traffic light of the Titans ran excitedly to his room, littered with clippings and miscellaneous articles of all the villains Jump City, California, has ever seen, one villain standing out in particular to the Boy Wonder (Meanwhile, three hallways down in Raven's meditation mirror, Happiness, Brave, and Rude morph into an emotion Raven can only call Insanity, who likes to skip the good and the bad and get straight to the ugly. So very ugly, one might call it, shall I say, dirty…). After a few seconds, Robin came out of his hypno-Slade-tized trance, before dashing over to his dresser. He pulled out his sacred bottom drawer, were he found exactly what his fashionably distressed self desired: skin tight tighty-whities. Oh, but not just any pair of overly female male underwear would do for the Bird Boy we all know and love: this highly desirable fashion atrocity was both primely soft and decorated with a neon Batman logo atop a red, green, and yellow horizontally-striped background, with "MORE THAN A SIDEKICK" printed in black and gold glitter on the butt.

Oh, and a pint of Candied Bacon Ice Cream. Because everyone knows Bacon+Ice Cream=Healing of the Soul, at least for heart-broken tween girls. Eh, Robin on any day pretty much equates to that. After seeing how Slade effortlessly manhandled Terra's bra in "Aftershock Pt. 2," the poor boy was never the same again ("Seriously! That was something else!" he cries into his drool-burdened pillow the middle of the night when nobody is listening, but this narrator is all-knowing-pertaining-to-creepy-personal-business).

"Time to do something I've needed to do for a while…" Robin said in that lone-werewolf leader tone he had acquired over the years, and began to undress. You see, this makes the previous paragraph valid, because no, neon-green male tights are not for gays: they are for males who find a Slade basically ripping the bra of a thirteen year old superhero who is in one of her worst states of mind arousing. This also may make the rest of this "character development" not completely OOC, because one is never sure what raccoon-mask clad superheroes do behind camera…er, computer animation. Anyway, while you read this pointless space-filler, Robin has completely changed into nothing but his infamous tighty-whities (so is he really completely changed?), grabbed his pint of soul healing bacony-goodness, and has began his shameless march to the Ops room, wetting his nonexistent pants out of the pure joy of knowing that a new episode of "The Real Housewifes" was in the very near future.

"OH MY—"

"Starfire?" Robin instantly thought, screaming in such a fashion, then winced as he heard a string of not-so-pleasant words coming after.

"Come on! I mean, we're supposed to be a TV Y-7 show, people! Goodness gracious, Lord have mercy on my soul!" He then knew it wasn't Star, she didn't know a single one of those words. Well, she does like to use the word "chlorbag" to her advantage… But wait!

"She's at the Mall of Shopping! Yes! I am safe from this talk for now!" Robin proclaimed in a fashion only an Batmanified bedazzled underwear clad Housewife lover male specimen could. But who could blame him? Explaining what those words meant, that would definitely not be rated TV Y-7… and if Beast Boy became involved, it'd be more like X.

"Maybe it was BB?" thought Robin, because when you had a fourteen-year-old green teenager who could make a conversation with Star rated X, you never know what to expect. Plus, Robin had heard him squeal much louder than the Tameranean princess on multiple occasion. Especially during the back-scratcher incident…

"No. Never again, Robin. I thought we had permanently deleted that from memory. Must. become. DISTRACTED!" Robin muttered, then screamed desperately, grabbing his ice cream and running to the Ops room, hoping that watching the Miami housewives would calm his frayed nerves.

"Maybe if I ignore it, it'll go away, just like Batgirl did…" Robin optimistically thought whilst sitting on the red couch, turning on the TV and turning the channel to Bravo. This was it, it Robin was ready. After all this time, he can finally let his true self through, and be fabulous.

"gubkera6c76optn9wyqx8NCTF79Q6RCW79Q0NCIHFDUCKSWUQCSBY834925T976538PNCXWEOFIHEJKDFUJUEG!"

"Okay, Beast Boy, Starfire, and Cyborg are out, and I'm right here, so…" Robin sat on the couch, stroking his chin, somehow looking dumber than Beast Boy while doing so. "Aha! It's Raven! I'm a genius!" said an elated Robin, clearly proud of himself for figuring this one out. "I told you I was worth something Batm-"

Robin turned around, about to check on Raven in her room, to see she, in fact, was standing right in the kitchen, her lavender hair creating an instant afro, as if deciding gravity was pointless, and her eyebrows so high on her forehead and jaw so close to the ground Robin had discovered what had happened…or so he thought.

"Gosh darn it Rae, of course you just had to walk into BB's room while those government dudes were in there removing the nuclear waste from the closet. It must have intoxicated your brain like when the spider bit Spider Man and given you the power to change the shape of your face! So, more like Spudder Man, cause that's kinda a dumb power. I love Spudder Man, he's hot, we should get married and have multiple kids. But who would hold the babies? Uhh, I can't be bothered right now…"

As Robin went on and on and on about how it would go down between him and Spudder Man, a truly disturbing affair, yet still a better love story than Twilight. Thankfully for her, Raven was still in so much shock she couldn't even hear what he was saying, which Robin would be sad about if he found out, because he worked very hard on that story. All the poor girl could do at that point was stare at the underwear…

When she finally came out of her trance, she immediately addressed the Boy Wonder. "ROBIN, WHAT THE LITERAL HE-"

Robin interrupted her before she could go any further. "Hey, I wasn't done with my story! Gosh, people this days, parents ought to be better at teaching proper etiquette. Anyway, as I was saying-"

"I DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT YOUR THREESOME WITH STAR AND SPUDDERMAN OR WHATEVER THE HELL YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT!" The two could hear the new high-tech microwave Cyborg had just installed explode, before the shattered remains crashed down on the countertop, causing Raven to cringe.

4 miles away, at the local GameStop, Cyborg started to sob, as Beast Boy solemnly began singing "Amazing Grace."

 **A/N: Literally wrote this about six months ago, and am cringing so hard I might just be permenantly paralyzed. Hope you sea weasels found some sort of perverted pleasure in this. :)**


End file.
